Current mood:	accomplished
Current music:	Good Lives - Eve 6

"Never wanted to be like you, or all the rest!"
Title: lives are gold
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Romance
Summary: dying is overrated. cho hakkai and the active pursuit of a ghost of a devil.

this is essentially a half-assed, incredibly sketchy outtake on hakkai's mindset before he went back to gojyo. it isn't even a reason or an explanation as to why he returned; it's just...something, something to compensate for a brief period of silence in which I realized I was writing too much, and that saiyuki was unnaturally inspiring, and that that was a good thing.

one thing in this particular piece about which I am unsure how to feel is the second-person gojyo point of view that was only utilized in whole at the end; I really was unsure as to how to portray a gojyo outtake. first-person perspective was obviously out of the question--it would have essentially disrupted the airy, space-case flow. a direct gojyo point of view would be more self-deprecating, more uninformed, less tangibly poetic, and it simply would not achieve the effect I desired.

the italicized sentences at the beginning of each section are things for which I have no explanation.


quintessentially, the desired effect was to make people understand a series of connected concepts: cho hakkai, upon beginning his new life, has nowhere to go; the most logical choice is to live with gojyo--but he did not just go there because he had a debt to repay. myself--it is difficult for me to pervade hakkai's mindset for answers, for reasons. it is even more difficult for me to pervade the nature of their relationship, namely because it is budding and growing and evolving and I really am incapable of telling one end from another; all my mind registers is that towards the end there is something unspeakably sweet and poetic and wholesome and kinky about their love story, and I am investigating the scenic route to that end. it's just...difficult. it truly is.

there is a point I make repeatedly, insistently, repetitively, and that is the fact that most people think gojyo is the one who needs hakkai, but that is not necessarily true. gojyo has been taking care of himself for nearly ten years, and, yes, he was digging himself an early grave, but that was the path he had chosen for himself--something wretched he felt he deserved.
after gonou received his new name and his new life, gojyo cut his hair, and this was significant; this was important. the scene shows him purchasing an apple, thinking he's beginning to think everything will be alright. gonou and sanzo in tandem changed his outlook on life in the span of a single night--hence, the haircut. after gonou supposedly "died," gojyo decided it was about time he started wiping his own ass. gojyo is in no way wholly dependent on hakkai.

hakkai owes gojyo his entire world, his entire life, and recognizes it and does not know if he will ever be able to repay that debt, so he tries to make himself useful by cooking and cleaning and generally acting as housewife--which is why he always falters slightly when gojyo does not seem to muchly appreciate the gesture. his need for gojyo's approval becomes less obvious as time passes, but its intensity does not lessen at all.

regardless of gojyo's immoral habits, hakkai still views gojyo as the benevolent benefactor, the compassionate man, and he's always interested in that compassionate side of gojyo, particularly when it is uncovered, and it never fails to surprise him. to hakkai, gojyo is just like nothing he has ever seen or heard or felt or experienced.

the thing is, after hakkai's return, gojyo appeared to revert back to his old ways more slowly than the manner in which he decided to turn his own life around. why, though?

err...yes. I feel as though I'm better off signing off for ship_manifesto to gather my thoughts, but I doubt I am capable </span>of organizing them in an essay format.</b></a>