is she still beautiful???

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 22:48:11 GMT

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 09:00:46 GMT

LOOKPLZ

COLOUR WHEEL - AN 8558 FST

I used capital letters and everything. :O

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 06:03:06 GMT

strangely enough, I have, on my playlist, a large congregation of 8558 songs specifically titled "the self-proprietary 8558 all-purpose soundtrack of awesome".

yesterday, it occurred to me that I am a member of fst.

...

this is a cruel, terrible irony.

Sun, 15 May 2005 04:55:09 GMT

yeah, so. beseeching miniscule friends list.

there's a scene in gensoumaden saiyuki volume two, pages forty-eight and forty-nine. the dialogue entails (and, yes, I am an avid connoisseur of tokyopop):

"goku was upset, you know. he really hates secrets."
"feh. nosy little punk. my business ain't on display here. got it?"
"that kind of talk can be upsetting."
"ah, it's just 'cuz he's a kid."
"I didn't mean goku. you're making me upset. if you feel that way, then consider me a child as well."

this is in regards to hakkai telling goku and sanzo about gojyo's past.

I don't particularly like that scene, personally. I feel that hakkai was far too cavalier about divulging information that was not "on display," whereas everyone else--especially hakkai--is permitted a certain degree of taciturnity regarding their own personal scars. I found it vaguely unsettling, if not outright insensitive.

"insensitive"? hakkai?

yeah, yeah. I know; I know.

I found that conversation difficult to interpret, or perhaps I was reading too deeply into it. perhaps not. what exactly was hakkai talking about when he said "if you feel that way"? to what "it" was gojyo referring to when he said "it's just 'cause he's a kid"?

personally, admittedly, there is a sort of cheap thrill in knowing more about someone than anyone else. cho hakkai, gossip. nice.

I just found it unsettling.

remember that I rarely, if ever, advocate scenes in which gojyo collapses in a sobbing, blubbering heap on hakkai's shoulder and tells him everything. I suppose, eventually, hakkai's curiosity (post-burial arc) would have been on a rapid, if steady, increase. that, too, brings up another set of questions: what if banri was the one who revealed gojyo's heritage to hakkai? perhaps not. perhaps it's just me being overappreciative of the no-eyebrows ex-boyfriend.

the thing is, if hakkai wished to find something out about gojyo, hakkai would be the sort to wish such knowledge from gojyo's own mouth.

re: overappreciative of the no-eyebrows ex-boyfriend.

I'm vaguely interested in performing brief character studies for banri.

firstly, I'd like to draw your attention to this particular page in the burial arc--a flashback at the beginning of the third chapter. there's something really rather terribly empty in gojyo's eyes (kudos to minekura), isn't there? dead and cold and flat, existing, not living, meaningless steps and unfeeling punches, scuffs under his eyes. he looks cold. he needs a huggle.

sounds odd, I know, but around the time that he drags gonou in, gojyo is not that same, empty person. he's outwardly confident, no longer a stranger to emotions, familiar with physical warmth but not so familiar with emotional warmth. at least he smiles, right? he's charming and interpersonal, knows which buttons to push, laughs at himself halfheartedly in the mirror where he might once have shattered the surface containing his reflection. life is so easy it makes him wanna puke. he might consider himself lower than dirt, but he's confident in his ability to survive and to do whatever he needs to do.

as odd as it sounds, I think banri is at least 30% responsible for the man gojyo is today, vices and all.

as odd as it sounds...

...oh, hell. I'll get this down in prose form someday.

Mon, 09 May 2005 03:13:15 GMT

oh, shit.

I just signed up for 85 at ship_manifesto.

...[smiles pleasantly]

oh, yes.

well.

if it's not already taken.

I don't quite think I...

...well.

it's just like writing a research paper, I suppose.

...

oh, shit.

Sun, 08 May 2005 01:09:46 GMT

chin yisou x cho kanan double drabble at 100_roadtrips.

they call it fandom hell.

Sun, 08 May 2005 00:22:11 GMT

yeah, well. posted a selectively skyehawke story, just for kicks; it'll be a short multi-part romance between my favourite demon slayer and taboo child. it's also a practice in first-person perspective--specifically, gojyo's voice, with which I seem to have copious amounts of trouble.

on distant shores, bound to be less than ten chapters.

skyehawke is elitist. :)

yes, well.

those drabbles you requested will be up soon. yes, devikun, it will be up soon. ^__~

Sat, 07 May 2005 20:23:19 GMT

yes, well. my application for skyhawke, a vaguely elitist writing archive, has been accepted (it was submitted who-knows-how-long ago).

I may leave fanfiction.net. yes, it is a nice place. yes, it was one of my gateways to fandom (and pr0n).

yes, it is a cesspool of human filth.

you understand my meaning.

Sat, 07 May 2005 04:41:11 GMT

broken__bird's Word Usage

1. the (647)	26. at (78)	51. were (35)	76. could (25)
2. and (598)	27. there (68)	52. something (35)	77. saiyuki (24)
3. of (315)	28. but (67)	53. have (34)	78. really (24)
4. a (309)	29. would (64)	54. no (34)	79. go (24)
5. to (270)	30. him (61)	55. had (34)	80. never (24)
6. his (268)	31. so (54)	56. what (34)	81. been (24)
7. he (247)	32. from (54)	57. me (33)	82. ever (24)
8. was (204)	33. if (52)	58. fandom (31)	83. itâ€™s (23)
9. in (194)	34. because (48)	59. back (30)	84. look (23)
10. her (192)	35. eyes (48)	60. says (30)	85. himself (23)
11. that (162)	36. this (46)	61. time (30)	86. how (23)
12. it (161)	37. your (46)	62. their (30)	87. up (23)
13. gojyo (152)	38. one (45)	63. an (29)	88. everything (23)
14. is (151)	39. they (43)	64. has (29)	89. sheâ€™d (23)
15. she (141)	40. are (43)	65. x (29)	90. smile (22)
16. you (124)	41. all (42)	66. always (29)	91. way (22)
17. i (124)	42. gojyoâ€™s (41)	67. into (29)	92. knew (22)
18. for (114)	43. be (40)	68. hands (28)	93. goku (22)
19. on (109)	44. out (40)	69. title (27)	94. through (22)
20. hakkai (107)	45. or (39)	70. only (27)	95. then (22)
21. like (99)	46. just (37)	71. genre (27)	96. where (22)
22. with (98)	47. my (36)	72. about (26)	97. which (22)
23. as (81)	48. hair (36)	73. kaho (25)	98. too (22)
24. when (81)	49. them (36)	74. around (25)	99. fingers (21)
25. not (80)	50. by (35)	75. will (25)	100. sha (21)

Username:
Word Count by Hutta.

check #13.

Sat, 07 May 2005 02:50:50 GMT

my application for skyhawke dot com has been accepted. I will post the good shit there. I will continue to post all kinds of shit at ff.net until their nazi-ish policies actually do begin grating on my nerves.

no, I will not take down lives are gold, you damn communist bastards!

Wed, 04 May 2005 04:26:24 GMT

all in all: progress is progress.

I performed a hasty grammar edit on things I'd been meaning to edit long before--namely, the first and second parts of orchid roots.
secondly, I uploaded a double drabble: make me smile, which can also be found at 100_roadtrips.

this totals to three sanzogojyo updates today, which will pop up in love_or_death either tonight or tomorrow evening.

Every person on your flist gets to request a drabble from you. In return, they have to post this in their journal. Post all fandoms you're willing to write for. Your friends can pick a relationship, a story arc, a missing scene, or pretty much anything they want, unless the author has previously mentioned that they will not write it. They comment with what they want, and you write drabbles and post it in your LiveJournal.

because I mugged devikun.

luckily, I have no friends. hint hint, nudge nu--[shot] ;) but in case you actually do, perchance, glimpse this...

fandoms include:

saiyuki (gensoumaden or gaiden, it doesn't matter. I am not good with homura, for I am abrasively unfamiliar with his character. I am not good at hot, steamy sex. sanzohakkai makes my face go all ":/". of course, that is entirely your prerogative.)
good omens
inu yasha (no inu yasha x kagome or sesshoumaru x kagome. them's the breaks. everything else--and I seriously mean everything else--is fair game.)
naruto (no neji x sakura. everything else--again, everything else--is fair game.)
cardcaptor sakura (no eriol x tomoyo.)

"drabble," for this bethany, can essentially mean anything from one hundred words to one thousand, just so you know. ;)

Wed, 04 May 2005 02:54:38 GMT

new sanzogojyo drabble, x-posted to fanfiction dot net.

must. stop. whoring. gojyo.

also: orchid roots part three, 'it is the deeply-bedded root'. for a bit of trivia: the chapter titles are nicked from a poem.

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 02:06:45 GMT

yeah, okay. I've decided to clean up a bit and become less professional, because, fuck if maintaining those tags isn't annoying.

I'm going to resign from my 30shards position, if I haven't already been kicked off the list, because I simply have far too much on my plate, like staring off into space. yes, I will continue writing inusan, but within my own boundaries. my 30_kisses eriolkaho thingies are still in vague progress, as is everything else, for that matter, so sit tight.

also, I intend to begin writing for the good omens fandom, because crowleyaziraphale has eaten my brain.

if I do not write after july, however, I'm probably dead.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 04:03:25 GMT

Title: orchid roots: in the autumn fields
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: General
Summary: again, no excuse at all. god dammit, I am not adhering to my schedules.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 04:58:34 GMT

Title: orchid roots: as i dig for wild orchids
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo x Sha Gojyo; possible hints of Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo, but not really.
Genre: General
Summary: no excuse at all. bethany is a heathen and is going to die.
the first of five or so.

I should be getting to work on--other things.

"Don't tell me, 'cause it hurts..."

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 01:49:42 GMT

Title: when the candles are out: chapter 2: sanzo is smart
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo x Son Goku; Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: in which goku wakes up a girl. it's crap, cleverly disguised as humor, cleverly disguised as hakkaigojyo, cleverly disguised as sanzogoku! god, I rock so hard.

I have no excuse for the lateness of everything.

long overdue is my 30shards entry alongside my 30_kisses entry, so that is next on the list. I was gone last week, on a very short, completely unintentional hiatus, but I have returned, still with no excuse for the lateness of everything.

...but, for some reason, in spite of my complete and total inability to get my inusan and eriolkaho done, I have been diligently at work at a series of sanzogojyo vignettes/one-shots/drabbles.

...god, what the hell is wrong with me?</b></a></b></a>

"Never wanted to be like you, or all the rest!"

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 04:09:38 GMT

Title: lives are gold
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Romance
Summary: dying is overrated. cho hakkai and the active pursuit of a ghost of a devil.

this is essentially a half-assed, incredibly sketchy outtake on hakkai's mindset before he went back to gojyo. it isn't even a reason or an explanation as to why he returned; it's just...something, something to compensate for a brief period of silence in which I realized I was writing too much, and that saiyuki was unnaturally inspiring, and that that was a good thing.

one thing in this particular piece about which I am unsure how to feel is the second-person gojyo point of view that was only utilized in whole at the end; I really was unsure as to how to portray a gojyo outtake. first-person perspective was obviously out of the question--it would have essentially disrupted the airy, space-case flow. a direct gojyo point of view would be more self-deprecating, more uninformed, less tangibly poetic, and it simply would not achieve the effect I desired.

the italicized sentences at the beginning of each section are things for which I have no explanation.

quintessentially, the desired effect was to make people understand a series of connected concepts: cho hakkai, upon beginning his new life, has nowhere to go; the most logical choice is to live with gojyo--but he did not just go there because he had a debt to repay. myself--it is difficult for me to pervade hakkai's mindset for answers, for reasons. it is even more difficult for me to pervade the nature of their relationship, namely because it is budding and growing and evolving and I really am incapable of telling one end from another; all my mind registers is that towards the end there is something unspeakably sweet and poetic and wholesome and kinky about their love story, and I am investigating the scenic route to that end. it's just...difficult. it truly is.

there is a point I make repeatedly, insistently, repetitively, and that is the fact that most people think gojyo is the one who needs hakkai, but that is not necessarily true. gojyo has been taking care of himself for nearly ten years, and, yes, he was digging himself an early grave, but that was the path he had chosen for himself--something wretched he felt he deserved.
after gonou received his new name and his new life, gojyo cut his hair, and this was significant; this was important. the scene shows him purchasing an apple, thinking he's beginning to think everything will be alright. gonou and sanzo in tandem changed his outlook on life in the span of a single night--hence, the haircut. after gonou supposedly "died," gojyo decided it was about time he started wiping his own ass. gojyo is in no way wholly dependent on hakkai.

hakkai owes gojyo his entire world, his entire life, and recognizes it and does not know if he will ever be able to repay that debt, so he tries to make himself useful by cooking and cleaning and generally acting as housewife--which is why he always falters slightly when gojyo does not seem to muchly appreciate the gesture. his need for gojyo's approval becomes less obvious as time passes, but its intensity does not lessen at all.

regardless of gojyo's immoral habits, hakkai still views gojyo as the benevolent benefactor, the compassionate man, and he's always interested in that compassionate side of gojyo, particularly when it is uncovered, and it never fails to surprise him. to hakkai, gojyo is just like nothing he has ever seen or heard or felt or experienced.

the thing is, after hakkai's return, gojyo appeared to revert back to his old ways more slowly than the manner in which he decided to turn his own life around. why, though?

err...yes. I feel as though I'm better off signing off for ship_manifesto to gather my thoughts, but I doubt I am capable </span>of organizing them in an essay format.</b></a>

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 20:48:44 GMT

Title: hiding the diary
Fandom: Inu Yasha
Characters/Pairings: Inu Yasha x Sango;
Genre: Drama/Romance

Let me tell you a legend about a love story.

You think that, somewhere out there, there’s a love that transcends time? There isn’t.

There might have been one, though, where the characters involved displayed an express disinterest in reality because they managed to dodge it, except it caught up to them one day and bit them in the ass.

Then there’s the fact that everyone overlooks, one way or another; their eyes drift over the horizon like soggy logs floating downstream, and they completely neglect everything aside from that one little thread of darkness, and that little thread becomes a ball of twine, and that ball of twine becomes their pupils that shrink catlike and flee from the sun. That fact is that every story has a sequel, and if the characters aren’t dead, then the story isn’t really over, is it?

There’s a “happily ever after” after the “and they never saw her again”; most people, by then, have already shut the books.

● ● ●

Sango, at the foot of his bed, her calligraphy mussed like the ribbons in her hair, sneaked in and stole some parchment. Sango swore the sunset was nice, so he went out to take a look; the thing was just fragmented globules of orange clinging desperate to the sky, and he was unimpressed, and he walked back in with an obscenity at the edge of his taste buds and she was writing. It never meant a thing, really. He was still a hanyou, halved from his still-warm blood to his still-warm love, chained to an existence he was never sure he wanted, and she was still, miraculously, his best friend.

Sunset detached itself completely from him; it was nightfall, suddenly, and he watched the pulse throb in her wrist as she wrote. If he pressed his lips to the slope of her forearm, she would taste like victory and an earthy soap; her skin would cool his filtrum. He would drape himself in her lap and stare at the open sky, and she would let him; she held his hair when he vomited, but he stopped one day, and eventually even he noticed. The bushes smelled like soddy fish, rancid, and she had recently purchased a small cottage at the edge of the village, and they would be moving soon. She would take all her unfinished papers with her and write and write until her palms throbbed with poetry and the blood of his half-kin.

They talked. Much ado about nothing. They sat together and existed quietly, and did little else.

She wrote until her eyes stung and bristled, and she told him that as long as they were alive, there’d be better sunsets to watch, and he knew that believing her is the smartest thing he has ever done.

She poured art from the papery calluses, like patches of leather, on her knuckles. She drew their small cottage at the edge of the village.

She paused one day. “Tell me,” she said to his aching smile, “how you imagined it.”

● ● ●

“What I imagined,” he said, “was nothing like this.”

“Is it better?” she asked him, a crate hefted beneath her underarm; she stacked it upon another on the wagon they would be taking to the edge of the village. Their belongings were weightless—except for the stacks of torn leaflets and the inkwells that dyed them.

“Yeah,” he said, because she was the hardest to lie to.

“Would you change this?” And she stretched out her hand, her fingertips not-caressing their new home. And she stretched out some more, later, on their lumpy cot, the pinks and reds rippling through her spring kimono, and the pillows smelt of jasmine, and the crates were damp.

And he said yes, in a heartbeat, and he meant no, maybe not, and he meant, When did I start needing you? She nodded—so understanding—and his bloodstained hands joined her bloodstained, ink-stained hands; he never made her promises, because he’d fallen short on all of them (look what happened last time), but she drew them from his skin, his soul, his heart, and suddenly he knew what Miroku was saying when he was saying she was worth the wait.

● ● ●

“What I imagined,” she confessed to him in the dark, “was something like this.”

Because Kagome had given him hope and Miroku had given her a future, and “hope” and “future” were painfully dissimilar, and the rift between the two words deepened every morning when he awoke to the whistle of her teakettle and her silhouette, soft curves outlined by sunlight and her taijiya outfit.

“It wasn’t me, was it?” he asked her, and it was less of a question and more of a statement, and she suspended her boomerang from the cottage walls.

“It wasn’t me, was it,” she asked him, and it was more of a question and less of a statement, and he hooked his claws in the skintight fabric on her forearms and drew her closer, and his embrace was tight and bone-crushing, but she was a taijiya and she wouldn’t know bone-crushing if it approached stark naked, where the only other who shared his embrace was porcelain-souled, painted and shattered and remade.

“It wasn’t,” he said, and the skin was soft behind her ears, “but it is—”

And white violets did look lovely, on their lawn, at their windowsill, in her hair.

● ● ●

What you imagined: the miko abandons her time for his, and they live happily ever after. The taijiya and the monk marry, and the child has an uncle on his mother’s side, and they all know how to hold a sickle. They use it for slaying demons. They use it for farming.

What happened: Kagome’s grandfather has a scripture and it talks about what happens when warriors meet on a battlefield and discover their mutual fate. It talks about legends that aren’t legends. Kagome’s grandfather doesn’t like legends that aren’t legends; they do nothing to captivate the audience, to accentuate his flair for dramatics.

What happened: the hanyou and the taijiya lived happily ever after

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 20:08:43 GMT

Title: dour
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Drama/Romance(ish)

Sanzo is short. Sanzo is not cussing; Sanzo is not waving his usual angry banners. Sanzo is thankful there is no differentiating between Sanzo’s blood and Gojyo’s hair. Sanzo is clinging onto Gojyo as though he truly believes Gojyo is capable of saving him, when Gojyo cannot even save himself.

Gojyo will push Sanzo at Hakkai and say, “Save him.” It could mean, “Save Goku.” They're pretty much the same thing.

It could also mean, “Save me.”

“This is a shitty way to die,” Gojyo says.

“Is it?” Sanzo says, and rests his hand on the back of Gojyo’s neck.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 03:54:27 GMT

Title: becomes the demon
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo; Sha Gojyo; Kami-sama; Kinkaku; Son Goku;
Genre: Drama

"My voice, as sweet as salt..."

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 06:22:34 GMT

Title: pants fetish
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: three years ago, gojyo walked about quite unabashedly in his leathers (and we all enjoyed it, believe you me). so what the hell happened?

Gojyo’s pants, he says, were a bargain. And he loves them. They’re leather, and, oh, he loves leather, slick and smooth and stiff and smoky and supple, an eyeful of gloriously sculpted, slim legs and jutting hipbones at jaunty angles.

The thing is, everyone’s privy to that same eyeful. Everyone. Gojyo is raw magnetism; the leather fuels the fire.

Hakkai buys him a pair of pants that poof ridiculously from thigh to knee to shin, and Gojyo wears them around.

Come mornings, though, Gojyo brews coffee wearing nothing but his leather pants and Hakkai, through his eyelashes, appreciates the view.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 23:34:13 GMT

Title: when the candles are out
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Genjyo Sanzo x Son Goku; Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: and have they not suffered? goku wakes up a girl.

some of you may have seen it earlier--there were issues with its original submission, so I hauled it back in. ^_^ terribly sorry for the inconvenience; read and review, or reread and re-review, as it were. I'm so, so, so sorry. ;_;

"Feels good to be alone..."

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 05:14:57 GMT

Title: bated breath
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo; Kami-sama x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Drama/General

He never considered breathing in Hell. Too sure of a puff of smoke or brimstone to assail his throat, but there was nothing: there was only gravel. The span of time between each heartbeat was painfully infinitesimal.

The weight on his eyelids subsided, only a little, and he saw—

—blood.

“Hell,” Kami-sama croaked, his smile crackling, “is exactly as I imagined.”

The mass of blood receded, a blackness gathering in the center of it, and an angular face leered down at him.

“What, proletarian?”

He did not know angels dwelt in Hell until he saw the burning: green, green, green.

"The last star left in heaven is falling down to earth, and..."

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 16:24:08 GMT

Title: eye of heaven
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Kami-sama x Sha Gojyo; Cho Hakkai x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Angst/General

eye of heaven
by Bethany Ten

“The ceiling,” Hakkai says.

It rains. It always rains. Sometimes it’s blood, sometimes it’s rain, sometimes (now-times) it’s stone. It always rains.

“The ceiling,” Hakkai says insistently, and remembers.

● ● ●

The story of Goldilocks, somewhere near the end but not quite, goes like this: she waits. Her organza is a shade of blue eclipsed by the sky-tones; it’s a crisp, brisk, utterly simplistic summer day, cloudless, and she spends it folding in on herself, tilting at the waist like orphanage seesaws and watching the ceiling pass her by. If she watches long enough, it will escape her completely, so quickly she’ll have to close her eyes; she’ll reopen them when the bears come knocking.

Hakkai—he curls his fingers on Gojyo’s shoulders, on the stone-and-bone arc of muscle, on fleshy poems he has memorized but never recited, and he warns him. When he says “ceiling,” he means “bears”.

Green means go. Go, go, go.

And Hakkai burns.

He burns quietly, burns like Gojyo’s hair in Goku’s eyes, to think of green meaning go and gold meaning stay.

“Come on!”

The shock was ephemeral. The fear was forever; it chewed Hakkai’s heels raw. And he knew all the answers, because that was the thing to do; he foresaw Kami-sama’s hands palming Gojyo’s collarbone, lingering a shade longer than necessary, he mouthed the “sorry” alongside Kami-sama, he tasted the word and painted it on his tongue and lips and teeth. Kami-sama was going to die. He groped for the taste again, and found it, and held it there, on the purgatory on the underside of his tongue. It tasted sweet.

● ● ●

“I should cut my hair,” Gojyo says later, because he’s thinking with his heart.

An empty carton of cigarettes lay misshapen and crumpled, a mass of cardboard at the edge of a flat-paneled desk.

He thinks with his heart, and his heart beats slow and languid, except when it doesn’t, and Hakkai—Hakkai drops the groceries.

“But you’d help me,” Gojyo says as he balances a wayward orange on the toe of his boot, “wouldn’t you?”

He puts the paper bag on the desk and smooths the creases.

Hakkai lifts his head from his hands.

“When was the last time you cut your hair on your own?”

Sunlight crept closer, and jaundiced roses announced themselves at the windowsill, looming over the wood. If Hakkai uprooted them, they would still face the sun, open, home-going; he had seen those flowers before. The petals would vanish beneath Gojyo’s headband, and Gojyo would smell like sex and booze and rose petals. Yellow roses for friendship, loop the ribbons twice about three-quarters of the way up the stem. Thornless roses mean love-at-first-sight, and Hakkai does not read love stories.

“This is different,” Gojyo says with what is either conviction or simplicity, and Hakkai is never sure what to believe.

I wanted loads of things in this piece--metaphors, references, poetic devices, and I think I achieved a good 83% by degree of success in that particular area.

quintessentially, eye of heaven is a half-assed portrayal of hakkai's "omgwtfbbq" reaction towards kami-sama and gojyo and the chemistry that could've/shouldn't've existed at all. we all saw that...thing, right? the "wow u so niec" and "g thx ur a right bastard but I still feel like saving your sorry yet glorious ass". as a rabid 85 fan, I couldn't help but wonder if hakkai noticed that as well, and I figured--of course he did. he's hakkai, supposedly the most perceptive member of the ikkou (though I might say differently). I stuck my artistic lincense in his ear and probed his brain. (it's better than probing his butt.)

gojyo is an ass who doesn't do anything people tell him to. a particular plot bunny itch of mine goes as follows: he dragged gonou out from the mud and shoved his guts back in. what, exactly, was stopping him from pulling kami-sama out of the rubble aside from kami-sama himself? it continually occurs to me, the more I set my fingers to this keyboard and type "kamisamagojyo" in those brackets I like so much, that gojyo is an amazing person and very quick to make friends--it's just that he doesn't go about it in a civilized manner. so what would've happened if he'd managed to save kami-sama? a repeat of the gonou incident?

I can't imagine hakkai taking that lightly.

if gojyo did save kami-sama, kami-sama would have nowhere to go anyway, and I don't know how gojyo would convince his comrades to permit kami-sama to stay. he'd probably plead and beg and reason, and sanzo might or might not relent on the promise that kami-sama won't interfere with the westward journey, and goku forgives and forgets, and hakkai...

...hakkai...

that's either food for thought or a plot bunny, and if you're beautiful, you won't snatch it from me just yet. ^_~

whew.

anyway, now for a thorough commentary on the fic.

“The ceiling,” Hakkai says.

It rains. It always rains. Sometimes it’s blood, sometimes it’s rain, sometimes (now-times) it’s stone. It always rains.

“The ceiling,” Hakkai says insistently, and remembers.

● ● ●

kami-sama : goldilocks :: ni/castle/yeaheverythingwutevar : bears. I think I was particularly proud of this paragraph because it made me sound like such an emo poem-happy snot. XD

I subscribe to the theory that hakkai really does try to know everything about gojyo--tries, and fails, perhaps. remember, in hakkai's eyes, gojyo is the smart and confident one who knows all the secrets the world has to offer.

do you disagree?

Green means go. Go, go, go.

And Hakkai burns.

He burns quietly, burns like Gojyo’s hair in Goku’s eyes, to think of green meaning go and gold meaning stay.

as a sidenote, has anyone ever looked at the colour wheel? red complements green; purple complements yellow. minekura, you so crazy. ^_~

“Come on!”

there's something utterly gonou about this particular paragraph, something dark. the "knew all the answers" part is basically derived off of hakkai's ability to read movement. no, hakkai doesn't mind when his opponents die, but what about his enemies?

● ● ●

“I should cut my hair,” Gojyo says later, because he’s thinking with his heart.

An empty carton of cigarettes lay misshapen and crumpled, a mass of cardboard at the edge of a flat-paneled desk.

He thinks with his heart, and his heart beats slow and languid, except when it doesn’t, and Hakkai—Hakkai drops the groceries.

gojyo thinks with his heart, not with his head, which gets him into all sorts of trouble. I'm always surprised at how he can be the most moral and yet the least moral member of the ikkou. can you tell just how much I love him? ^_~ I mean, I made him into a bicycle, for crying out loud. hakkai is usually the fandom bicycle. ^_~

“But you’d help me,” Gojyo says as he balances a wayward orange on the toe of his boot, “wouldn’t you?”

I like to think that gojyo is just being oblivious here, with no ulterior motive. help me cut my hair; I sucked really badly at it last time, remember? at first, he doesn't recognize the significance of his request, even if he does. hakkai is his best friend, and a haircut shouldn't be a big deal, except it is.

He puts the paper bag on the desk and smooths the creases.

Hakkai lifts his head from his hands.

“When was the last time you cut your hair on your own?”

the last and only time gojyo cut his hair was when gonou died.

I really, really, really, as of late, want to emphasize the possible gojyo-forged comparison between kami-sama and gonou. if gojyo cuts his hair, something's apparently changed, in his mind, in his eyes, in his heart. hakkai knows this. gojyo knows this, but he seems to have momentarily forgotten.

and wouldn't it be a little bit strange, to feel like you're being forced to share your place in your best friend's life? hakkai's place is really supposed to be one-of-a-kind. cherish the man who made you afraid of death. their situation is painfully unique, but somewhere out there, it isn't; somewhere out there, gojyo puts his left arm around hakkai's shoulder and the right arm around kami-sama's. somewhere, kami-sama wakes up and thinks he's in hell, but the resident demon is mediocre and pleasantly familiar. somewhere, gojyo buys kami-sama nikuman, and somewhere, hakkai's head stays in his hands.

in the author's note at ff.net (reviewplz ;D), I informed you that yellow roses meant friendship. they also mean jealousy. this paragraph was thrown in--prose for the sake of prose. I'm a fool. ^_^

really, though, I just wanted to throw you and hakkai off-track. as for that bit about thornless roses--interpret as you wish.

“This is different,” Gojyo says with what is either conviction or simplicity, and Hakkai is never sure what to believe.

nearly everything gojyo says to hakkai can throw him off balance. "leave me alone!" "that's because you don't have anything you need to wish for." "quit making me look bad." this ties in with my belief that in this relationship, it's not gojyo doing the "rofl yeah okay he knows everything" bit, as everyone believes; it's hakkai doing the admiring and the looking-up-to. gojyo speaks from his heart. the more he has to say, the more language runs right out of it. hakkai's viewpoint of gojyo basically blurs the line between "strength in conviction" and "simplicity"; gojyo says words that cut to the bone and the heart, and says 'em like they're facts, things that everyone should already know.

is it really different, though? gojyo doesn't cut his hair. is it really different?

thus ends dvd commentary. ^_^ for all my lowercase letters and emo poetry, I'm really quite stupid. ^_^

"I need a lullaby! I need some time!"

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 03:19:25 GMT

Title: would he have all my
Fandom: Saiyuki
Characters/Pairings: Kami-sama x Sha Gojyo;
Genre: Romance

would he have all my
by Bethany Ten

There’s that one toy, on your mind, that which you can’t ignore.

His footfalls, to the trained ear, are disfigured cadence, uneven like the choppy set of his hair, and then they metamorphose into a waltz—one-two-three-one—and he leads; his arm would curl nicely around the small of your back, wouldn’t you agree? He seems like a leader. He seems like a dancer. He would wear leather on Thursdays and draw faceless patterns on his flesh, in your eyes, with his long-long fingers. His nails would skim figure eights through sheens of sweat that would collect on his abdomen; his perspiration would smell like seawater. He’d like exhaustion, yes-he-would.

He doesn’t smile when you exhaust him.

But that’s mostly his fault. Really, it is. He should’ve given up ages ago; he should’ve forgotten you, your name, your face, the second he thudded his fist on the ground and asked you in his mind and with his blade, Why? He exhausts himself. He flits around. He’s like a bumblebee with banked tedium. He swings the fists that would look awfully nice around the small of your back.

So, in your opinion, he should smile.

He owes it to you.

He probably has a pretty smile, could turn you into jelly instead of scattering you like the gaggle of pearls you are. He could make you whole and he could make you melt. You bet he could.

He’s in front of you again. You move.

(He brings out the dreams you shouldn’t have and he promises to buy your redemption if you let your life hide in the rough, sunset-warm calluses of his fingers; he’ll shelter you from everything, from the Sanzo that will hate you for as long as you not-live, from the demon slayer that will hate you for sharing his shield, from the Monkey King that will forgive and forget. He’ll buy you nikuman and you’ll eat it if he wants you to.

That one toy, he fulfills that one fantasy, the first fantasy you’ve had in who-knows-how-long.)

He even smells like a new toy—like leather, smoky and soapy and buttery. You don’t own leather toys, but maybe having one—just one, so he’ll feel special—wouldn’t be so bad. Get it on a Thursday, tie strings to its fingers and make it dance.

Touch his hair, swing and miss. He’s looking at empty air again.

Yes—yes. You could like him. He’s pretty. He could be your favorite.

Reach out, touch his hair just as he swings and misses. It’s too red; it has to be doll’s hair. Has to. But he’s too alive for that, too lively for your strings—

—is it Thursday yet?

(And your smile isn’t so half, not as half as he is, as he always will be, when you say goodbye, when he slides his arms beneath your back and says hello.)

Author's Notes: ^_^ well, that was unorthodox. hakkai is growling and snipping at me like a rabid puppy, but now I have another otp! isn't that just gorgeous?

as a sidenote, I like ff.net reviews, but rest assured I will not stop loving you if you simply comment a la livejournal, because you're still pretty and I'm such a sap. XD